Wanting More Guy Friends

Hey guys, another post about transitioning and such stuff. So I’ve been trying to pass more and more as male, and it doesn’t really work. I mean sure I wear masculine clothes, but quite honestly I think everybody assumes I’m a girl who wears male clothing, or I’m a butch lesbian or something. I don’t know, even with my parents it’s hard to tell because my Mom just blows it off, she has what I call Ostrich Syndrome because she sticks her head in the sand and pretends it’s not there and/or not happening. With my Dad, it is easier to talk about things with him that are “masculine” and he has bought me a binder and such but as far as that, I’m not really getting anywhere with him. As for friends, some of them know, some of them don’t, and out of the friends that do know two refuse to openly acknowledge it, and two others make fun of me for it, all my other friends are pretty chill about it though, which I am grateful for. But anyway so lately I’ve noticed that I want more guy friends. I really don’t enjoy being around a group of women if there are no guys around (there are a few exceptions) or I can handle it a little bit but my attention span is not nearly what it used to be, about nail polish, or what you’re wearing, or who stole who’s boyfriend. To be brutally honest, I don’t care if you’re boyfriend cheated on you and you still went back to him, that's on you, or if your dress makes your butt look big.

When I do my day to day thing, I am surrounded by girls, and the way they talk and the way they do certain things…it’s just annoying. Like the things they talk about, and how many times they bring it up. I know this all sounds horrible, but I think I really want some more guy friends, bio, trans, whatever. I guess I want more masculine friends. That’s not to say that I don’t have any guy friends, it’s just some of them are really immature. For example I have this one guy friend, (he knows who he is) and he just says the stupidest shit. He’ll laugh at me for being trans, and just say really inappropriate garbage. I remember he laughed at the new kid because she had blond in her hair and that somehow made her “dumb.”

So anyway, wanting more male friends, I have a bunch of girlfriends (girls who are my friends) I don’t feel like I need any more. I’m not saying I’m a dick to girls, it’s just I have this craving to have “guy time.” To do more stereotypical guy things, with other guys.

And it’s interesting, I never thought I’d want to distance myself like that, I never really thought it would be that big of a deal to me. The majority of my friends are women, and it just seems to be a little too much for me right now, to me it’s like women, women, women, all the time. It’s always been like that, but as of late it’s really getting to me. I want to be able to do guy things with guys. If my school would let me, I’d play baseball with guys, on a guy’s team. You know what I mean? I just want to do more masculine things. What guys talk about and what girls talk about is different. It’s just different. I mean even if a guy wanted to talk to me about nail polish I don’t think it would annoy me as much.

I don’t know, I’m sorry guys, I feel like I’m rambling and saying the same stuff over and over again. It’s just I’m surprised at myself, I never thought in a million years I would feel like this. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoy girls company, they talk about different things and some of them are more emotionally aware. Alright that was it, if this sounded sexist or something, I swear that was not at all my intention. Peace.